this secret garden

happy birthday umma!

I just called my mom because it’s her birthday in Korea (March 28).  She was getting ready for church; she told me about how she had gone hiking yesterday and had sashimi for dinner.  I could tell she wanted to get off the phone to finish getting ready, but I wanted to confront her about the things God had been revealing to me.  I told her how God had revealed that I was still holding onto hurtful words she had spoken to me.  She immediately knew what I was talking about and assured me that that was in the way past, that it was nothing to dwell on.  There’s nobody who’s as loved as you are, she exclaimed.  Both your grandmothers pray for you everyday, you have God-fearing parents who pray for you and support you, ever since you were born you grew up bathed in your uncles’, aunts’, and cousins’ love.  Overcome this snag by giving praise to God and thanking Him!  There’s no reason for you to live a defeated life, she said.  I know, I said and started to cry.  She told me that I’ve been doing so well, going back into my past and asking Jesus to minister and heal me.  That I just have to continue this journey and always rejoice in His goodness.  She told me to receive strength and wisdom through prayer and the Word, how the Word is what heals and restores.  Okay, she asked.  I couldn’t answer and she said, Mijin?  Mijin?  What’s wrong?  I told her how I had been surprised how my life had been so controlled by my response to her comparisons and words of disappointment.  She told me she was wrong and immature to have treated me that way, that a long time ago she had to repent and received forgiveness from God and that I had to forgive her.  I told her, Mom, you have to apologize to me; I need to hear it.  So she said, Mijin-ah, I’m sorry for comparing you to other people, for not telling you enough how proud I am of you, and for saying hurtful words to you.  I was weak, immature, and had my own hurts I was dealing with.  Please forgive me, she said.  I already forgave you, I said with a laugh and she laughed.  But Umma, I said, why did you hurt?  What was the cause?  She started to cry and said, I don’t know.  Was it because of your sisters, I asked.  No, no, I don’t think so, she managed to say.  I think maybe because your grandmother was afraid of appearing weak.  She couldn’t take it when people talked about her, so I was always trying to protect her and be strong for her.  I would try to make up for her weaknesses.  Oh, I said.  That makes sense… She laughed a little and said, Mijin-ah, it’s already time to go to church.  Okay, I said.  I love you Umma.  Happy Birthday!  Thank you, she said.  I love you too.

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One comment on “happy birthday umma!

  1. Hans
    March 27, 2010

    Ahhh mijin. What a heartbreaking, wonderful story. It means and brings such a healing when sorry is said. Blessings mijin. This is the season of overcoming

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This entry was posted on March 27, 2010 by in Uncategorized.
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