This morning I woke up confused that it was already 11am. I think I was awake most of the night or just skimming the surface of sleep; I had a lot of thoughts and my throat was really hurting. Satchmo had been sleeping at the foot of our bed, so throughout the night I was resting my feet against his tummy and back. At one point he licked my foot and purred loudly for about five minutes. I love that cat . . . The first thing I read when I woke up was Oswald Chamber’s My Utmost for His Highest. It was about friendship with God and the knowledge of His will that comes with knowing Him intimately. Near the end of the devotional, this question cut through my heart and convicted me: “Think of the last thing you prayed about-were you devoted to your desire or to God?” Last night I was so upset that I couldn’t fall asleep and that my throat hurt. I was complaining to God, and this was right after He had revealed to me through P.C. and my sisters with such love and gentleness, the wound that has been keeping me physically weak and my life bound for so long. I’m such a brat! Yet God still loves and adores me. I repented and desired to desire Him alone.
D. was sleeping over because Friday night group had ended around 1am and he needed to be at church for morning prayer. I could hear praise music coming from the living room all night and was wondering if it was a YouTube playlist but then remembered it was probably the 24/7 IHOP prayer room. So I checked it out while drinking my herbs this morning. Misty Edwards came on after about fifteen minutes and wow. She sang “Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God” and “Dove’s Eyes”, both songs about desiring God. The lyrics of “Dove’s Eyes” spoke significantly to me:
I don’t want to talk about You like You’re not in the room
I want to look right at You I want to sing right to You
I believe that You are listening
I believe that You move at the sound of my voice
Give me dove’s eyes
Give me undistracted devotion for only You
I’ve been listening to her for the past hour and half and have been mesmerized by her love for God and the stream of songs.